Creating a life full of passion, joy, and beauty!

[sage]

PIB --

Just throwing something out there...does h get upset if he feels as though you're not giving him enough credit (or "due")? Does he get upset if he tells you something ("I feel XYZ") and you ask him about it again?

I'm just wondering if your conversation might have also taken the turn for the worse because h was feeling as though you didn't trust him (?) to not feel rejected...or maybe not trust him to TELL you how he was feeling?

Am I making any sense?

Sage

[Phoenix_In_Bloom]

Sage,

You are making perfect sense.

I'm not sure how to answer you because I think any and all of your suggestions could apply.

Before DBing, I believed he was tough as a rock. That's certainly what he told me. I had the impression that he wanted to be Spock from Star Trek. That emotions were something he didn't want to feel or admit that he felt.

After DBing...I've learned so much about him. In some cases based on his words...but in most cases based on his actions. And what I've learned is that he's very sensitive to me.

And his request to have me smile a lot goes hand in hand with something he'd said to me earlier. I don't remember what it was. But it did leave the impression in my mind that my smiles were VERY important to him.

I remember one time I was frowning in thought...and he told me in a wounded voice that seeing my forehead scrunching up, upset him...he told me to smooth it out and smile.

I love that he's so sensitive...and ashamed that I had no idea.

I guess the bottom line is, I'm still very confused..still trying to get to know him. Who is this man that I love?

Thanks for giving me something to consider, Sage.

Hugs.

[sage]

Before DBing, I believed he was tough as a rock. That's certainly what he told me. I had the impression that he wanted to be Spock from Star Trek. That emotions were something he didn't want to feel or admit that he felt.

I can completely relate to this...I feel as though my h is so much more tender and sensitive than I realize...and it continues to show up in words and deeds but it's still so hard for me to remember sometimes!

Sage

[holdingon]

Sage, can you and PIB offer Frisky some reassurance?

[KAW]

Thank you for the visit and the advice!

This made me smile... cause it's too funny. ME giving advice about M and sex...

---

Ahh! ... but they are good suggestions!

Another approach could be to start off with something that seems innocent enough but has potential to lead to ... well you know. One that has worked very well for CAW and I is when she shaves her legs. CAW doesn't like to use a razor above the knee, she uses an electric razor, but has difficulting reach/seeing all areas, so I offer to do it for her. Get to rubbing a certain way and area, well you get my drift... Think you can ask H to help out?

Ooh! ... PnB its been a long time since I have felt I have to give you a whack with a nerf 2x4! As soon as you mentioned how he might feel rejected, whether intentional or not, he saw it as you projecting upon him how you expected him to feel. You threaten to steal his ownership of his feelings.

Keep to "I" statements. By explaining that you want to wait because you are concerned about your health during the pregnancy is enough of an explaination and let it drop after that. How he feels about it is up to him and you should allow him to remain an open book and not suggest how he might react.

There ... I hope I wasn't too hard on ya! I do feel a bit ornery lately.

'til later,
KAW

[Phoenix_In_Bloom]

Sage,

Thank you for visiting..and reaffirming that this is all normal!

HoldingOn,

I'll be over there in a sec!

KAW,

Thank you for the suggestions!

You said:

Keep to "I" statements. By explaining that you want to
wait because you are concerned about your health
during the pregnancy is enough of an explaination and let
it drop after that. How he feels about it is up to him
and you should allow him to remain an open book and
not suggest how he might react.


Oh Boy. Have I mentioned that I'm dense sometimes?!

I read this and say, doh....I should have realized that!!

Probably part of my black/white thinking struggles.

I NEED this stuff to be pointed out to me! Thank you sir, may I have another?

Hugs to all!

[Phoenix_In_Bloom]

Positives:

1> Husband and I were able to recover from my sarcasm. We were loving and gentle with each other on the ride home.

2> We watched 4 hours of tv together! Last night was a night of season finales for most of our favorite shows.

3> We !



Hugs all!

[Phoenix_In_Bloom]

ooops!!

I forgot another great positive!

4> I saw that Husband had a different brand of ciggarettes. So I asked about them. He said that he was ready to quit next week. I asked him if he'd be interested in reading about what he can expect while quitting. I told him that would help me...give me an idea of what to expect...so I would be prepared. He told me it wouldn't help him. And then he asked me to make him a promise. He asked me to promise to not talk about his quitting smoking until the day before he's to quit. Cause talking about it will make him anxious.

He told me that he can see for me that talking makes me less anxious..but that's not how it works for him.

Wow. I thanked him for opening up to me. I told him that I struggle sometimes because he and I think differently. And I make many ASSumptions on what he's thinking and feeling, based on what I would think/feel. And that he has given me a huge gift by opening up to me and telling me that talking would make him anxious!


How cool is that!!

Hugs all.

[MovinOn]

PIB,

Have you told him that smoking can reduce his sperm count?

[Phoenix_In_Bloom]

Pattie,

Yes, I've told him. About smoking and caffeine. And that he should wear boxers not briefs. Not sure he believes me.

But hopefully, by the time I finish getting this weight off, he will have quit smoking!

Thanks Pattie!

Hugs.