Journaling: Today is our anniversary and I am trying to hold it together, but feeling so down. I never thought I would be in this position and am having a hard time accepting the reality of my life at the moment. I know I need to accept it to move on and detach, but it all seems so surreal. Last year we received cards from family telling us what an inspiration we were as a couple, how our love for each other shines so clearly to all we interact with, how lucky we both were to have found such great loves in each other. I would do anything to be celebrating today instead of holding back tears and trying to hide from the kids when those tears can’t be held back anymore. I am sad that he likely won’t even acknowledge today...as if all our marriage has brought to our lives is meaningless. According to H, it was all a facade, that love, those years of happiness. And I think that is what hurts the most right now, that the story of my married life has been reduced to him lying to himself and me and the world. I know I shouldn’t buy it, but it still really hurts. I’m just sad, sad, sad today.
