Sorry you are so embroiled within the business side of this mess. MLCers, W, will act irrationally. They live with constant emotional pressures. Everything for them is driven from feelings and torment. Months of nothing and then demands of court settlements, a 4 to 1 spilt, an unfair custody arrangement - yeah it’s tough. It’s irrational.
You sound strong and stable. Well done!
Listen to your lawyer and let him secure and protect your and your boys futures. I am sure he has explained your rights and how bizarre her requests are. This is the business side of things. I’m glad to see you keeping your emotions out of it. Well mostly. And you are correct - you cannot negotiate with a terrorist.
In my opinion, if an idea or arrangement, no matter how sound and logical, doesn’t come from the MLCer, they will dismiss it. The MLCer just needs to think feel they came up with the idea or the final putting it in to action. It takes some finesse, and luck, to find a way for an irrational person to feel they’ve won and therefore accept something - as I said, regardless of how beneficial it actually is for them.
Another thing, which I figure you already realize, is that MLCers usually talk big but don’t act very quickly. 6 months and still nothing signed or close to being signed. If this pace suits you, let her do the heavy lifting. As long as your boys are safe, you get to see them appropriately, financial matters are ok - then be patient. However, if things are not good, you can push this forward to protect yourself.
I am glad to read about your healing path. You are a great Dad. You want to be compassionate and non adversarial. It’s good to realize that being cruel will do little; it will just bring you regrets later on.
I’m sorry you didn’t, and couldn’t see your dying pet. People in crisis can behave in cruel and horrible manner, they have such a lack of empathy, actually temporarily lack the ability for empathy. Their own emotional torment overrides everything else - rational thought, empathy, sympathy, morality, judgement, decision making, and so on. It’s all about them and their feelings. Case in point, your W called from the vet, crying. She was sad for her loss.
You are doing well K. Detachment and indifference are must haves to get through this mess. I do promote the idea of compassionate indifference; and if I may be so bold I think it would suit you well.
As time progresses your indifference towards W will lessen. Let compassion in. You can feel empathy. You have the ability.
Originally Posted by Kind18
Did she expect sympathy and comforting from me?
Yes. She did.
She didn’t call to torment you. Her being an irrational mess, does not necessarily make her without conscience. MLC just overrides as her emotions are cranked to eleven.
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These MLCs are completely insaneirrational, behave horribly, manipulative, and sadly quite sick people.
Separate the behaviour from the person. Seeing behaviour and person separately alters how one defines a person and the choices that persons makes.
This is of course for you. Your path. Your healing. Compassionate indifference, kindness, understanding, empathy, and forgiveness. Good and noble headings to walk towards, IMHO.
Originally Posted by Kind18
I can’t wait to rebuild a new life without all this cruelty. I deserve it!
Yes, you and your boys do deserve and good life.
Start rebuilding now. What is preventing it?
From my experience - it’s you. Yes, W reaches in and stirs things up, behaves cruelly, and is dragging out settling anything. So what, she doesn’t and cannot control you. Focus on you and your boys. Live that good life.
Strong and stable.
You got this.
DnJ
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
And you are correct - you cannot negotiate with a terrorist.
