I am so impressed with posters like WayFarer, Pommy and May who seem to have done such a good job of navigating their situations with so much grace and calm. I am desperate for that ability right now.
Lol, It’s funny to read your perception of navigating with grace and calm. For sure I have acted with desperation, pleaded, had outbursts, cried hysterically on the bathroom floor, tried to manipulate, etc etc. In truth I’ve never felt in control, I’ve always been in a reactive state to H’s behaviours, that he is driving the outcome. I’ve started to pull myself together more and begin to ground myself and assert myself in the way I interact with H, and also in how I organise myself, the kids, the routine etc. I was a crumpled mess for a long time but now beginning to step up and stand up without relying on him for anything. I look back and wonder what boundaries I should have set myself, if and how I could have prevented the S.
Even if you don’t feel it on the inside you are demonstrating a lot of strength on the outside - that is clear from your posts. But yes you are being gaslighted and your H is keeping you attached with breadcrumbs. I don’t feel like I can claim any success in my sitch so reluctant to offer advice as my marriage is failed and seems further away from R than ever. All I know is what hasn’t worked: pursuing, manipulating, not having boundaries. I am also learning to let go of a desired outcome and it definitely helps with reducing my anxiety, as I can stop worrying about an outcome. Focus on you and your children, like you are doing. Sending hugs!
M:49 H:49 T:20 M:18 D:16 D:14
EA: Feb 2019-May 2020 Separated: Mar-early Aug 2020 H asked to reconcile: Jun 2020 EA relapse: Oct/Nov 2020 Recon #2: since Nov 2020
