Another time, on a family vacation, we drove by a lake she knew. She gave me a short description and asked if I wanted to stop. I passed. An hour later, I learned how unique the lake was. I wanted to go! She agreed it was fascinating, but she'd "given me my chance," and I'd passed by it--too late. I said I was going anyway. Since we were sharing my car, I offered to either drop her off or let her take the car, and D10 could go with either of us. She said it was a family vacation, so she had to join me, and I was being controlling. I repeated I control me; you control you. I felt ice daggers on the drive there, but once we arrived and D10 began laughing and skipping, we had a fantastic time. D10 found a crab. GF and I swam in the near-freezing lake. She regularly thanks me for choosing to go despite her protests.
Another day on that vacation, she went with D10 to do an art project while I went hiking.
We both used to control "us" in an uncomfortable way. The boundary revelation is I can do "me" things, she can do "her" things, and we can both do "us" things together when it makes sense to both of us.
