And then it was over.

[Oceangl]

What does one do when living with a WAS that is eating cake at home. Go on an RV trip down the Oregon coast.

The kids in their want to help fix this, put together a pretty elaborate presentation for us to go on a trip. I left it up to H and he said yes. Of course, later after the kids were gone, he reamed me that I set him up. I really didnt, he had the opportunity to say no - and I let the kids know that was a real possibility - and he said yes. He never wants to be the bad guy.

So - I am DBing while in super tight quarters in an RV - with two teenagers that are bearing down on me on how things are going - and a 16 yr old DD that has input on all I do or say (Mom! dont complain about the coffee!! - when I sent back coffee to the barista). Right now I am a mess on the inside - anxious if I am DB'ing well - while the kids think I am give the H the silent treatment. They just want us to be loving towards eachother - I get that. I am trying to please too many people right now - all with different opinions on how I should be. Its exhausting.

When will the soul crushing pain start to subside? I think if I had access to heroine I would become a dedicated user. I never understood why someone would use that stuff - NOW I completely understand.

I see people that have landed on this forum after I got here - and have surpassed me in growth. Even though you all are holding up signs that this is not the right way to go, I still am meandering down the love conquers all path. Ugh. I am still full on in love with him.

I wish had better things to post. I wish I could say I was moving on. But this is where I am right now. I hope to post better things soon.

Oh MS, What a tough situation.

I see a need for a lot of boundaries here, and some perspective. You and your teenagers are both caught up in a lot of fear, and fear causes us to accept things we normally wouldn't, and to try to please everyone. Your teenagers seem to know there are problems in the MR. Do they know about OW?

First, do you have a notebook? Buy one on one of your stops. Maybe also a novel. Something you can spend some time with. Writing and reading. Write down your goals and hopes for yourself. Write down the things about you that make you a catch. One thing I did was write down some of the things my H had done to me or said to me that were awful. Then, when I started to cave to Ms. Nice Girl or when I would start taking all the blame, I would read it and think, oh yeah, wow, that's a lot. He hasn't been very nice to me.

He's not being nice to you. He blames everything on you. Why do we allow that? I think you need to not only set boundaries with him, but with your teens. Can you take the aside for a walk alone? And with love say, what is going on? I think you guys are scared. I am, too. I don't want to lose my family, either. But I can't control anyone else's actions, and you may not realize it, but you're putting an awful lot of pressure on me for the marriage to work, and it's making things so painful for me. It might be best to acknowledge the elephant in the RV without casting blame on anyone. Just validating their feelings.

Keep reminding yourself of your worth, and because of that, you won't make decisions out of fear. I will take my own advice today.