And then it was over.

[BlueSea]

What does one do when living with a WAS that is eating cake at home. Go on an RV trip down the Oregon coast.

The kids in their want to help fix this, put together a pretty elaborate presentation for us to go on a trip. I left it up to H and he said yes. Of course, later after the kids were gone, he reamed me that I set him up. I really didnt, he had the opportunity to say no - and I let the kids know that was a real possibility - and he said yes. He never wants to be the bad guy.

So - I am DBing while in super tight quarters in an RV - with two teenagers that are bearing down on me on how things are going - and a 16 yr old DD that has input on all I do or say (Mom! dont complain about the coffee!! - when I sent back coffee to the barista). Right now I am a mess on the inside - anxious if I am DB'ing well - while the kids think I am give the H the silent treatment. They just want us to be loving towards eachother - I get that. I am trying to please too many people right now - all with different opinions on how I should be. Its exhausting.

When will the soul crushing pain start to subside? I think if I had access to heroine I would become a dedicated user. I never understood why someone would use that stuff - NOW I completely understand.

I see people that have landed on this forum after I got here - and have surpassed me in growth. Even though you all are holding up signs that this is not the right way to go, I still am meandering down the love conquers all path. Ugh. I am still full on in love with him.

I wish had better things to post. I wish I could say I was moving on. But this is where I am right now. I hope to post better things soon.