I’m trying to be kind, but detached. I have had periods of time in our R where he felt I was cold and unattached, there was some unhealthy pursuer-distancer dynamics. So I can't go too cold or removed or it validates his claims against me. So I am trying to be nice without trying to 'nice him back' (which also is a turn off to him right now). The 'nice' dance is all happening on a super fine razor's edge, so I struggle to keep my balance here.
Did you read the sticky by Steve85 “how do you DB if you love your WAS”? If not, please read it! I think you will find it very helpful.
It is already past the point where you need to worry about “validating his claim.” Yes when you two are in a relationship and you should respond to your spouse’s claim accordingly prior to BD. But now he’s already checked out. When you are too close, he will say that you are suffocating him. When you are too distant, he will say that’s why he wants to leave you. There is no winning here.
Nobody should live a life walking on eggshells. You should GAL, focus on your PMA, and keep practicing detachment.
I think you are doing the right thing by examine yourself for your share of mistakes in the M. But I’d say now is not the time to show your improvement - e.g. he disliked that you were cold to him and now you work on being the warmest Sage possible. He is still deep in his EA!!! Give him all the space and time for right now, and work on yourself on being the best Sage possible. You will survive!
