I don't think that she's sniffing around with interest. In our situations, we jump at the chance to see positive signs at the smallest gestures. But the truth of the matter is that there are numerous other reasons why she keeps coming around. These days, the kids spend the majority of the time at the house, so it could be that she wants to be around them. It could be that she has strategic reasons for sticking around the house because she's planning to move forward with a D. It could be a dozen other things. And it almost certainly isn't a genuine interest in me.
She does feel guilty about things. She repeatedly walks into the room where I work and stares at me with some sort of sadness. She'll tell me that I am a good man. She even told me she loved me a few days ago. But I just say "Ok" and ignore it. Some of the vets have said that guilt is worthless and remorse is everything. I'm beginning to understand that. Her guilt doesn't make me feel any different and her saying nice things doesn't change anything. And no matter how guilty she feels or what little things she does, she keeps pulling away from me and closer to him. Slowly, but surely her things are disappearing from around the house. I've never mentioned it because it doesn't make a lot of sense to fight over small possessions and because she's only taking those things that are personal to her like clothes, jewelry, decorative items, etc. Plus, I never see her do it since we're rarely in the same room and I try to stay away from her.
She seems to have rushed headlong into her new life and has left her old life and her old responsibilities far behind. It's hard for me to get my head around the whole thing because things seemed to be going so well, even during the last few months before it happened (although, in retrospect, she was probably overcompensating for the affair or trying to decide who was Plan A and who was Plan B). We were making all sorts of plans for the future, for vacations, and she was talking about us being together for the rest of our lives. However, it doesn't surprise me that she would run away from her problems or look to someone else to solve those problems. She's run away before and she almost always turned to me to solve her problems. Looking back, that was a much bigger problem than I understood. Heck, I still don't understand why this happened. But it sure doesn't matter cause it happened and I've got to live with it.
Now, she's completely moved on and relegated me to the past. If she's having any doubts or second thoughts, I can't tell. So, I'm focusing on DBing and trying to do the same. The great thing about doing nothing is how peaceful it is. I read about other people's situations and there's so many hurtful words and actions. Mine is very quiet and she knows not to bring up the OM or the relationship. Boundaries are great. I bet detachment is too, but I still haven't found any of that. I think just seeing her now and then each day is enough to keep me attached.
I'm considering telling her that I never want to see her in person again. But the last time I said that, she flipped out and that was before I stopped texting, calling, and talking with her. Of course, the fact I went dark on all of my ex-girlfriends was of great solace to her.
Otherwise, things are going great here and I still recommend kicking them out if you think they'll listen. It may drive them straight into the arms of the OM/OW, but it's great for you.
