Through the World Barefooted -- Gerda's LBS Guide

[Rita]

Job -- Thank you for this reply; it helped me a lot. Your experience sounds awful and similar to mine. Did your H ever have any clarity or remorse in all the time since his BD? Or did he just snap fully and never unsnap? What you said about your stepping away from the divorce really hit me and was very helpful as I prepared for my last conference -- the one scheduled for my 20th wedding anniversary. I prepared this offer of settlement and spent hours creating google drive files with all the documentation, etc. But in my mind I kept thinking, I don't have to do anything, it's his divorce. I always think I have to do something because there is so much yelling but truthfully I just have to keep saying no or ignoring them until we get to a trial. It's not like it could go worse!

Now we are in this crazy situation where everything is shut down and we are at the end of the marketing period I agreed to -- we are supposed to now have the place reappraised and I get right of first refusal at the appraisal price. The crazy thing is that his broker NEVER ACTUALLY LISTED THE HOUSE. He claimed he had a pocket deal and I realize now it was all fake!!! Even the court attorney told his L -- "The judge and I looked up the property several times and it was never listed. The stipulation said it had to be listed." His L huffed and puffed and finally said, "Well, we'll list it now." The court attorney also pointed out that the broker had no other listings in our area, only one listing way outside of our city. His L kept referring to the offer they had and then having to back down when I said, "Where is the actual offer with financials? I know it was fake!" The court attorney didn't say much but I think we all knew that his L was lying and that the whole thing had turned extremely shady. Meanwhile, they are ignoring the fact that we have no rentals and can't pay the mortgage and could face foreclosure at the end of the forbearance in July. It's like my H thinks Mommy will fix this too, and he can still have his money. It's so weird. The only thing I can think of is that his slimy broker is trying to ensure he gets a commission even if the house goes to a short sale. I am still getting 2-3 e-mails per day from his lawyer and shady broker insisting that they put the sign back on our building. I am not sure I ever posted about my son telling H he was ripping down the sign -- H wrote back this weird text saying he admired his rebel spirit and to rip the f-ker down and that he would love him "all the more" if he did. So S14 rips it down and then H and his L report to the court that I ripped it down. Then nothing for three months of quarantine and now the broker's contract is expired and they are trying to put the sign back up. Even the court attorney said, "Why do you care about a sign? There is no one on the street! That is not how you market a property!"

I said to court attorney -- "Are you saying that my children are going to be expected to go through a divorce, a pandemic and a move all in one year? I am not looking for a new place to live during a pandemic! This is insane!"

Anyway I get so scared when I see these endless notes from these vultures but your words helped me to see that I can do nothing at all so I keep reminding myself of that. I kept thinking I had to show I was being cooperative but now the stipulation we were following says that they have to have it appraised, and nothing else. I can do nothing and still be following the stipulation, and they would have to litigate an extension to the marketing. We are already referred to trial with a different judge, and our current judge is not going to like it if his L files more motions. Because I don't have to be silent anymore, I have been able to shift the narrative too.

I have held on to this place because it's my business, it's how I pay for my children's housing, and I love living here. But I made peace with losing it. But now it's even more out of our control. No one is going to buy it at the high price H thought he could get, and if I can't pay the mortgage, it will be sold at a ridiculously low price to avoid foreclosure. I was about to refinance and now I can't do that. I offered H a downpayment now and the rest in a year or two when rents returned to normal levels, and he said no. So all I can do is wait for trial.

I have not been sharing all these details because it's so endless and long and hard to explain each new hellish chapter. So I am leaving a lot out. But I am very anxious tonight because of all the e-mails endlessly and because D11 went to see H FOUR STATES AWAY. H got a free apartment in that state and claimed that because I couldn't pay his monthly ED advance, he had to move and that she had to go there twice a month. The court didn't like it but agreed that it was his right, so he picked her up today. she called to tell me that it was "paradise" there and so amazing and how much she loved it. I had just been reading an offer from H's lawyer that involved me paying him an extra million dollars to settle, and had been thinking about how he was producing fake documents to cheat me, just so many unethical, evil, shady behaviors, so much lying and hatred even on our 20th wedding anniversary unable to see that as a word from God, and I must say, it hurt to hear her so effusive about his place when he is hellbent on destroying my life and even my ability to provide for my kids since he refuses to help me at all. (I get no child support til he gets his share of the house, part of the bad stip I signed.) I didn't let her know but I ended up on here, typing out this endless long story that still left so much out just to get a little anxiety off my chest instead of doing my work so there it is.