This is Oceangrl! I'm here!

[Oceangl]

LH -- I think I understand what you are trying to get at, so let me clarify a couple of things from the above:

First, when he ended the affair he wanted to continue to keep working at his job which meant he would be working w her to some degree. He asked me what I would need to allow that to happen. The phone call situation is something we agreed on together. It's a boundary I had to have in order for that situation to continue, and it was initiated and agreed on by him. I know he could email her or other women, meet them, etc, but I don't go looking for it. I would have three years ago. I am choosing to trust, knowing it could all be in vain.

Talking about it after the phone call was because he brought the subject up. He felt the need to clarify what he was talking about.

And I definitely know it won't change over night. I've been doing this for four years in August, not including the two years of the affair.

I think I was just venting here because I am trying to decide how i am moving forward. It seems to be the hardest decision of my life so far.

Yes, validation is something I continue to work on, absolutely. Our therapist encourages us to let it all out and he mediates. I am not sure if I am handling that part correctly, but it seems to have allowed us during therapy to understand where each other are coming from better. But outside of that I think it's my #1 obstacle to overcome. I think, lol.