I have been told by H so many times in the past few months that I am no longer in control. This Is typically in response to a boundary I put up or to something I ask (I am done asking for things at this point). H has classified me as a controlling, domineering, terrible person who has run the show and ruined it. I agree that I am a type a person who knows what she wants, but I also know deep down that I am able to compromise and am a team player.
My H spoke those words exactly.
Now, at times, I was controlling.I used to get very upset by how he acted and he used to try to comfort me, and that was very entrenched in our dynamic and it was negative and toxic and I had a part to play in that. I was a team player about lots of things, but when things didn't go my way, I did use my emotions to get my own way and I did not respect his 'no' as well as I should have about many things. So he had a point to some extent.
At other times, he felt controlled because he blamed me for things that were actually his own responsibility. He felt - for a long time - that I controlled our family finances to his detriment. This is absolute and factual rubbish. He didn't want to take any responsibility for dealing with our finances, so I did it for the family. This isn't really a problem with us any more.
He will also now and again claim I am controlling him refusing to do things I don't want to do. At the moment I don't care to see his family. He and the children are more than welcome to and I make no obstruction to him, and encourage the children as I think it is in their best interests. He has once or twice said I am controlling his relationship with his family. I correct that (I didn't when I was DBing but I speak up more for myself in piecing as part of a 180). When he has said that I've said, 'No, I'm not controlling what you do. I am just not doing what you want me to do and you don't like it. I can't control how you feel about what choices I made for myself.'
