so, things have been hard the last week or so. I think perhaps everyone is finding lockdown difficult, and while here in the UK there have been some small adjustments to what we can and can't do - we can drive to places away from home to exercise and meet one person outside with social distancing - it hasn't made much of a material difference in the way we're living. H still working long hours and exhausted most of the time, Youngest still playing up as she's lonely and needing more social stimulation than I can provide, my place of work still closed and in financial freefall, and Eldest still not at school and increasingly sullen, withdrawn, terrible attitude when spoken to about anything. He's been making horrible snide comments towards me and H and his sister all day today - both H and I have snapped at various points, which seems to be what he wants. Other than take his tech away (which he needs to complete school work he's now refusing to do) we're both out of ideas in setting consequences for him. He's refusing to come out on walks - we took a drive out to the coast yesterday for some fresh air and a change of scene and mood and he refused to come, then whined about being left out - refusing to eat with us (takes his meals in his room - and if I don't allow it, he doesn't eat) and isn't, as far as I can tell, in contact with any friends or wider family.
This is very very difficult for him and he is worried about his exams, his future, college prospects, missing his friends - all of that. And I've done what I can to make sure he has what he needs, some extra allowance so he can do some internet shopping for treats and entertainment, cooking nice meals, trying to include him as much as possible - special film nights, one on one time etc. But his attitude is so appalling it's awful to be around him. It's a vicious circle of course - he's unpleasant to be around, so I avoid him, so he's lonely and isolated and angry, which makes him more unpleasant. I'm the parent so it is my job to make the first move, but any suggestion or effort I make seems to trigger more hostility from him. I've spoken to his House Head at the school, who was very sympathetic, but basically said all teenagers were like this and they were all struggling. Which is probably true, but makes it no easier to bear.
I miss him, really. Miss spending enjoyable time with him. And I hate how I am feeling at the moment: he has some amazing qualities and is a creative and sensitive and funny person, but all I'm seeing is his anger and self-pity and argumentative nature right now, and I have so little bandwidth to deal with it. H and I have argued over it a couple of times - which scares both of us, I think. H is now at the point that when he cooks he is refusing to serve or lay a place for Eldest as Eldest is so rude and hostile and unpleasant he doesn't want to do anything for him. We're not starving hi - there's always food there - and I can understand how exhausted and angry and exasperated H is - I feel that way too - but his approach seems to be driving more of a wedge between them than existed previously.
If anyone has any suggestions for me, I would appreciate that. I've thought of making a GP's appointment and asking about depression - but I'm pretty sure half the population would meet the diagnostic criteria for depression at the moment. I don't think there's drugs involved (he's always here in the house, hasn't been out on his own at all since lockdown) and there might be some girl/boyfriend trouble going on but if there is, I know nothing about it and he won't say a word to me.
