Well I'm far from being a Dr. Ruth or Sue Johanason (sp?) but I'll give it a whirl ...
Its not about the lure of sex, but accessibility. There is a subtle difference. If its always there when he wants it, like anything else its taken for granted and loses some of its appeal. Its not until its taken away does he notice what he is missin' ... a theme we all should be familar with by now.
So IMHO, acting "as-if" sex is disgusting or trying to be less appealing is not the approach to take, but to lure without making it readily accessibile. For example, have you notice that your H's interest is peaked when you decide to wear something sensual for a social occasion? Its because the lure is there, but he knows he can't act upon it right away. (well unless you're willing to be late to where you're suppose to be.)
What other ways could you go about creating that kind of ambiance? ... especially when staying at home? To be more of a tease without making it obvious? Create your own style of being "hot-to-trot" but play hard to get ... look but no touchie ... well at least not without making him work for it a bit.
Thank you for your clarification. I really needed that. I think I was getting stuck in black/white thinking again!
You said:
Its not about the lure of sex, but accessibility. There is a subtle difference. If its always there when he wants it, like anything else its taken for granted and loses some of its appeal. Its not until its taken away does he notice what he is missin' ... a theme we all should be familar with by now.
This makes a whole bunch of sense to me.
Unfortunately, I don't know what 'excuse' to use that won't have him feeling rejected.
The one he says to me is: "I'm not in the mood." and when I hear that, I take it very personally. This could just be me being oversensitive. I'm not sure if there is something he could say that I wouldn't take personally.
So...would it be fair of me to tell him, "I'm not in the mood?"
Once, when we were first dating, I told him I had a headache..I really did have one. He told me that 'sex cures a headache' and he set out to prove it...turns out he was right. So, I can't use that excuse.
Or Perhaps my better plan is to be grateful for the one time a week?
After all, I have so much more to be happy about.
Positives:
1> He caulked all the holes in the window frames closed. Hopefully we will no longer have a crowd of ladybugs in the house! Not to mention the bees and wasps!
2> He went swimming with me this weekend!
3> He watched a couple of shows together.
4> We got a bit silly last night. He put his plate in the dishwasher and I thanked him. He turned around and put another plate in and looked at me pointedly. I didn't say anything. So he said, "Aren't you going to thank me?" So, I did. He then proceeded to look around for more dishes to put in dishwasher...with me thanking him for each knife, spoon and cup! Lol.
5> He put up with me being in a bad mood. Told me that I am human and am entitled to have a bad day. Told me I was his angel.
6> Went to dinner and a play with my parents and I!
Quote: Once, when we were first dating, I told him I had a headache..I really did have one. He told me that 'sex cures a headache' and he set out to prove it...turns out he was right. So, I can't use that excuse.
Uh, PIB... you said you had a headache... and it made your H horny? Then this WOULD be an excuse to use, wouldn't it??? I mean you don't really want to NOT have sex with him, you want him to THINK you don't want to have sex with him, right???
Do you ever shower with your H? What if you did, like he was in there and you were in a hurry or something, so you just HAD to shower with him, but of course were off limits cause you were in a hurry, but you proceed to wash yourself incredibly sensually?? And, shoot, if he is interested, well, you could ACT all pissy but go with the flow?
And WHY do you REALLY have to be off limits during your "week"? Why not indulge, all the while acting as if you are repulsed by it??
What if you initiate, but then don't? Be the tease? Act like you want to, then not, before he rejects you?
I'm too tired. I have to get up early.
but be careful... don't want to upset him.
What does Michelle's book say?
Have fun with it PIB.. play Raiders of the Lost Phallus or something...
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
You guys are making such wonderful progress together.
I have a quick question. I know the bread is probably 2 pts. a slice, but what is peanut butter? I haven't found my books yet and that has started being dinner is peanut butter sandwiches.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
Quote: I have a quick question. I know the bread is probably 2 pts. a slice, but what is peanut butter? I haven't found my books yet and that has started being dinner is peanut butter sandwiches.
You mean ww pts? PB is 2 pts per tablespoon.
Get the high fiber bread (1 pt/slice) and you can have an awesome PB&J for just 5 points!
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
but I'll give it a whirl ...
