How do you DB when you love your WAS?

[BlueSea]

Someone mentioned that the WAS is full of resentment and the WAS has to forgive before the LBS has a chance of R. Also important to know that, you can’t force the WAS to forgive you, it’s a process for the WAS to undergo.

Funbun- YES! There is so much resentment from my WAH, I see it in his clenched jaw, his dead stare that follows me when I am in the room. My DD tells me he just stares at me when we are all together. (I openly ignore him, so I don't see it myself, but I sure feel it. And when it happens, something bad soon follows.)

In our 'd.e.a.r practice session' his item was something that occurred 12 YEARS AGO! I knew it bothered him, but not to the extent he shared his feelings on it. Resentment - just outright anger - and a lot of it.

I guess I mistakenly thought that if he pours out that anger, if he grinds me into the ground with his heel, he will get it out and get some closure and move to forgiveness. That was the 'before' plan - dropping 40 pounds in 2 months, getting only 3 hrs a sleep at a time, walking around on eggshells - is something I can no longer do, I can not keep that up long-term.
The 'new' plan is to arm-distance - treat him like a drowning person that is flailing around - keep a healthy distance or else he will take me down too.

I want to add that letting go is a step-by-step process. It’s difficult to let go everything entirely. So you let go of your attachments one at a time. At your own pace.

This is so helpful - because there is so much talk of detaching and its importance - but I was left not understanding at all how to even do that. Your point is pretty much eating an elephant one bite at a time. And maybe that is what I am already doing, but it was helpful to read your examples- mine are similar - no more good night talks, then no more good night hugs, now its just no more good night anything. It was helpful to see thru your post that - yeah - I am detaching (at my own snail pace).