Just wanted to post an update since it's been a bit. I would describe things right now as stable. We continue to spend most of the day apart - she works from her office and I work from home. After work and on the weekends, we have just been watching a lot of Netflix together. This past weekend we were able to easily agree on who gets what from the apartment. The atmosphere is calm and a little light. I am making sure I am poised and as positive as possible while she is around. Positive has been tough, but I have not been down or sad or angry around her at all, and I have tried to joke/flirt a little. W continues to not wear her rings.
I am at the point where I am counting down the weeks and weekends we have left before she moves out. She moves out a week before me, and I already know that's gonna be a really tough week. For now, I am keeping up with my routine as much as possible (a lot of this I was already doing pre-BD) - exercise, meditation, cooking and reading. Also started running again for the first time in a long time. I continue to actively listen and validate when talking to her. I wish I could do more GALing right now, but its tough with the quarantine. Not gonna lie, it's also tough because I know we only have a finite amount of time left living together and I would be resistant to getting out even if I could.
Last week was mostly good days, but the last three days have been more sadness. Knowing we only have three more weekends together. The last week before she moves out is also my birthday. Happy 34th to me.
Had an IC session with our therapist last night. W had her last one a few days before. In my last post, I said that I had asked for a separation period instead of straight to D, but closed right away by saying I'll accept whatever you decide. W has not brought it back up with me, but therapist did say they talked about it and W is still set on D. Therapist said W has noticed me making changes and putting in new effort ,but she doesn't know that they'll last (this has happened before where I have backslid - and then I totally imploded pre-BD). Therapist did say W has a "soft spot" for me, whatever that means. Deep down, I knew W was still set on D. Still, it was tough hearing it out loud. I hate to bring astrology into this, but W is a virgo - super rational and calculating and once she makes a decision, it is near impossible to change her mind.
There are still little glimpses of warmth from W. I don't know that I should speculate, but I'm guessing it has to do with the relief she's feeling from being at peace with her decision and there not being a lot of conflict around it. We've always been good friends. We just haven't been good romantic partners.
I am still hanging onto hope, even though I understand the reality of the situation - like many others, I have been late to fully comprehend how bad things got and how long she felt these feelings. The hope is really just to keep me motivated for now. I know that detachment was and still is the only way, and that it's about me and not her. It's just really hard to not hold on. Even though this relationship is dead, until I am out and on my own, it will be struggle to fully accept it.
