Thanks for the reply. The re-writing of our history has been the most baffling aspect of all of this for me. It's been the most emotionally painful. We were together for 14 years and decided to get married 2 1/2 years ago. We were in the middle of a prolonged positive cycle at the time, feeling good about ourselves and our relationship which had withstood some challenging times. We recognized we were each other's best friend and significant other and had been each other's invaluable support through family tragedies and life events for over a decade. I think we saw one another as the one person we knew we could always count on to be there. So today when she tells people that our marriage was a mistake and that she asks herself everyday why she did it, I'm flabbergasted, left to wonder if we're living in alternate realities, and hurt to my core. Can I ever trust anyone else ever again? Will I ever be able to feel secure in a relationship ever again? Can I ever know for certain the love and trust we appear to have as axiomatic is actual reality or just my imagination? 6 1/2 weeks since BD and I'm still in a place I never thought I'd ever be. And everything is happening so fast with breakneck speed. It's tough to absorb everything both emotionally and intellectually.
I do need to have compassion for myself. I know my first instinct is to blame myself. Another instinct is to roll up my sleeves and fix whatever the problems are. It's frustrating knowing that the opportunity to do so isn't going to be there because of her current state of mind which may not ever change. I think I know what I need to do, and that's to try to move on and work on myself for myself. I can't control what her perceptions are and what her feelings are at this time. I moved out. She's free to do whatever. I'm leaving her alone. I'll try to get detached, but man, that will be tough.
