I'm just grappling with my head around how much longer I can do this. When we separated (June 2019), I told myself the end of the year was my limit, because I was in too much pain. I blew right past that, because I just wasn't ready. And I'm still not. But I've simply got to learn to detach.
How much longer you can do what? What's funny is that it was only when I "gave up" on my relationship that I doubled down on fixing my problems through IC, GAL, and No Contact. Giving up and moving on approximates DB'ing very well, especially for the case of someone with an OM.
I was referring to holding out hope, because during the 95% of the time when hope is motivating to me, it's the extra kick in the pants I need to slog through tough IC sessions, stay up on my reading, and take care of myself. During the other 5%, it's a kick in the balls that makes me wonder if the other 95% is worth it.
For me, I don't think that holding on to hope means that I'm devoting any less focus to IC/GAL/NC, but I can absolutely buy the argument that it's not letting me detach.
