[Georgiabelle]

Thank you, KML and Juju. I appreciate what both of you are saying. I’m kind of ashamed of how I feel. I’ve cried several times today and my 10 yr old asked me if I’m okay.

I wasn’t expecting this. Them getting married stirred what I would expect to be normal feelings of weirdness. This has taken on a whole new level of...I don’t know. His wife is 46. He is 47. I’m not envious of having a newborn at those ages, however, I can’t help but think I must have really been terrible. Maybe he never loved me. It doesn’t matter at this point at all. It’s just that this hits on a different level. And I want him to be miserable and I realize that is wrong and does not dizzam thing for me.

He lives about 20 minutes away and he told the 10 yr old that when the baby comes, then they can visit more to give me a “break.” I mean the 10 yr old is kind of excited and I’m happy for him. He’s so sweet. And I’ve told him he is going to be the best big brother. I dunno. I know this sounds awful but I swear to the universe my ex always makes everything about him. And yes-I know I’m making this post about him. So clearly I’ve got some emotional work to do.

Juju, I know this pandemic has been tough for so many on a multitude of levels. For the last 3 months I’ve been wondering about love, money, and the fact that it’s just me and I’m terrified of losing my job. I’m insane about my kids. I have a very small circle (very, very small) but a huge group of guy friends who live across the US. They always cheer me on in challenging situations. I’m an extrovert and according to society (I feel dumb saying this) says I’m one of the hot moms. Ha. I just laughed at that but that’s what I get told frequently. . I’m great at getting dates but honestly I never really connect with people for a relationship. I would like one. I really would and finally feel ready. I’ve thought that gif about a year or so. I’m not sure what to do. The people I click with aren’t appropriate for a relationship. I don’t have many hobbies. I read, workout, go out on occasion, and hang out with my kids.

Forgive me everyone. I sound like a whiny b!y@tch. I know I do. I’m sorry for sounding so dang self absorbed. Wishing everyone good juju.