Hope is ok if it motivates you. Hope is not ok if it causes suffering.
For the most part, it has been. But that doesn't mean getting knocked backward feels good. Doing the things I need to do to be a better me, I'd be lying if it said that wasn't at least partially motivated by the hope of a R.
I'm just grappling with my head around how much longer I can do this. When we separated (June 2019), I told myself the end of the year was my limit, because I was in too much pain. I blew right past that, because I just wasn't ready. And I'm still not. But I've simply got to learn to detach.
