Sage, sorry you are here. But I am glad you found us because we can help you. It seems you already haven an idea what DBing is, that is great. I recently wrote a post in a thread I entitled "How do I DB when I love them" . I suggest you go read that post. It has a post about affairs and how in denial a LBS can be about them.
What I say next I do not say to hurt you. But to prepare you for the other shoe to drop. Likely, this EA is already a PA. EAs rarely go on for very long before they fizzle out or progress to a PA. My W has had 2 that I know of, and I have had a couple myself. I'd put the max an EA can last without dying out or moving to a PA at 6 months, but many of them have a breaking point well before that. Most men, especially, do not have the patience to keep up an EA without getting what they are really after: a PA. So brace yourself for the reality that likely this has already gone physical.
And even if it hasn't, EAs are nothing to wink at. In some ways they can be worse than a PA. The fantasy and addiction are real. Lots of WASs and WSs have gone from one EA to another, since their shelf life tends to be short.
Now, I gave you some props for knowing what DBing is. However I see your understanding is limited. Why? Because of this line: " and I kept pressing him to work on us". That is not DBing. That breaks one of the first rules of DBing: remove all pressure and pursuit. Nothing pushes a WAS away more than pressure and pursuit. When a spouse says, essentially, "I want less of you". The worst reaction to that is to try and give them more of you. I equate it to being full from just eating a big meal, and then having someone try to get you to eat something. It is annoying, and the last thing you want to do is annoy your WAS.
So please read all of the welcome thread that job sent to you. There is gold in those threads that can help you IF you listen, learn and implement. Further, please get and read DR if you haven't already. No one says it better than Michelle herself!
I see you mention GAL. I see you mention 180s. Great! However you are still attached to him and that is where you need to work the hardest at. Detach from him. Learn what that really means and start working on it. In fact, doubling down on GAL (I know, hard in the COVID world), continue to 180 and improve yourself (become the woman only a fool would leave!), and detaching (which includes removing all pressure and pursuit) should be what you are solely focused on! No one ever saved their marriage by focusing on saving their marriage. You have keep your focus on the one person that you can control: YOU!
Finally, buckle up. I know you feel like this has last forever. However these are long marathons, not sprints. As a guy he will likely drag out this state of limbo for a very long time. Why you might ask? Most of the time men do that for financial reasons. He knows you will get half of everything, and he will still have to pay child support out of the half he gets. Almost all WAHs have done that math. So do not be surprised if he never actually files for divorce, yet continues to act as if he is completely single. At some point you will have a decision to make about how much more you want to let him cake eat.
Keep posting! We are here to help.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
