I'm sorry you are here. You sound like you have a good grasp of what needs to be done at this point. My situation went fast. Divorced less than three months after BD. XW has been dating a guy for a year (who she was friends with previously, before me). I suspect they were privately dating before the divorce and maybe BD. I have been dating a woman who treats me much better than my XW near the end of our marriage for about 9 months. All I can say is that things do get better. It was an awakening for me. I am a better person, father, employee than I was before. I was coasting through life... taking things for granted. Use this time to better yourself. Lovingly detach. That was the key for me.
Thank You, Harvey Yes I think I had become too comfortable myself and without realizing it had been taking things for granted. I look back over the last half year and wish I had listened to what my gut was telling me, but refused to believe because of how ridiculous it appeared to me on the surface. I feel like an fool. I'm disappointed as I believe if I had not been so trusting of both of them, and had firmly questioned some of the things that seemed off, I may have been able to nip this in the bud and restored love, trust and intimacy to the marriage. Maybe not. We live and learn. Everything is happening so fast it's difficult for my mind to absorb what's happening. MWD's book Divorce Remedy arrived yesterday, apparently, at least 6 months too late.
It appears my divorce will happen within three months of BD as well. It's going to be a challenge to adjust my mind from hoping for a shot at R to accepting the reality of what is staring me in the face and appears inevitable. It's hard to discard 14 years of shared history without a fight, but with such little time available my sitch seems impossible. So I'll try each day to muster up the energy and courage to lovingly detach and improve myself going forward. Thanks again for your nice and encouraging reply.
