I feel bad that you had to see it. But it can be a positive if you use it fuel your detachment. I watched a guy jump off a scissor lift from 6 ft today at the venue. I felt the pain and my stomach dropped as I watched. Then I remembered the inner dialogue I had that created that feeling.
I'm not here to be the peanut gallery, though it would be fun. I did notice that you mentioned you've been dating during this separation but not seriously. You had the dating app years back. Your situation has parallels to many here. What were you searching for? What is she searching for? Validation, attention, true love, independence, success, ego boost?
And for newbies reading this I just want to say that there are never rules in a separation no matter what anyone says. Your W might have meant what she said in MC and she could have changed her mind since then. And yes the action is the action but you gotta focus on number one. If you find her actions too much you can just go dark and stop answering her calls. I know it's hard but you don't need to do anything about it right now. Stay strong my friend.
Thanks for the reply, O.
Yeah, I've been working on it a lot with my IC: it was about feeling wanted, feeling desired. It wasn't even that WAW wasn't displaying that during the M, it was an insecurity I've had all of my life and I wasn't addressing it. Obviously it backfired and did a lot of damage. I can't speak to WAW's mindset at all, but I'm sure an ego boost for her can't hurt right now.
Detachment for me is very, very hard, as I'm sure you know from following my sitch. I won't belabor the point, but growing up in the household I grew up in coupled with being adopted hardwired in some difficult hurdles to deal with. I have to remind myself that how great I've been feeling the past few weeks due to the work I've been doing with my IC are something to be celebrated even if tonight knocked me back a little bit.
I'm a bit mad that I brought this on myself - I should have known that she might have been on there. Other than that, I've been keeping it very dark: haven't responded to two texts she sent me a few days back, never visit her social media, never reach out to her first. It doesn't feel like it's helped me detach much, but I'm sure it has.
This is very tough. The logical side of me says that I need clarity, I need to understand where we're at - even if it's an answer I don't want to hear - if I'm ever going to be able to start to really heal. The emotional/DB side is saying you don't have to do anything, you need to work on yourself and let the chips fall where they fall. I'm about a year in since BD. I still love her and still want to work it out. Until the day that I don't, this is the road I'm on.
