Separated

[may22]

I totally get it, and I don't want you to have the impression that you owe this board anything! You can share what you want and not share what you don't want and all that is fine. I also understand about not wanting to feel like you need to defend your decisions. There have been times I felt that way on the boards too.

I would say, though, that this community is just so different from friends IRL who may have no idea about how it really feels to be in a sitch like this. I know before I was all of a sudden an LBS, I was both positive I'd have kicked my H to the curb in a hot second for even a whiff of an A and would have totally counseled my friends the same and been aghast if they didn't. To me, one of the benefits of this community is that everyone knows what you're going through, has been there before, and even when the 2x4s come they come with good intentions and the feeling of having walked in your shoes before behind them. Also, for me it has been good to have a variety of opinions and not all cheerleaders commenting on my situation.

Anyway, I think it is great for you to have shared that because I do think it will help others. And, in your own situation, I know I tend to be one who falls on the positive interpretation side more often than not, but I would just say that going through such a huge thing as you've both gone through can absolutely be a catalyst for real, lasting change. It probably feels genuine because it is genuine. Not to say that things probably won't be rough for awhile but it sounds like you guys are on the right path.

If you have time, I just posted on my own thread-- my H told me last night he is (finally) open to having convos about the A and now I'm nervous. Any advice for how to talk through it?