Riding the Wave 3

[may22]

Glad things are going well with the girls. This whole lockdown thing must be so difficult for them. It's great the visit went well for D16 and hoping she is back more frequently.

H still not sleeping in the bed. Still no real romance I guess. Stolen kisses here and there when there are no kids around. He calls to check in. Tells me where he's going and what he's doing and when he'll be back. Calls to see if I need anything on the way home every single day. Jokes, teasing, flirting. Lots of quarantine "adult time" still.Started making dinner on Wednesdays so I can do home work. But still can't tell me what is going through his head. Patience is the name of the game I suppose. It's a marathon not a sprint.

Stolen kisses seem pretty romantic to me!

It's funny about the bed thing. My H came back at first so that the kids WOULDN'T find out while we were in the major limbo phase (they never knew he was regularly sleeping in the office). I've been thinking recently about how much of all of this we do or don't do is related to the children. Not freaking them out, not giving them hope, not upending their lives-- all such big, big factors. I think a lot about what would have happened if we didn't have kids. I would have left him for sure, I think-- they were the biggest factor in me not walking. But I also think that the SSM wouldn't have happened if it weren't for them. All so complicated.

I buy the coming back to the MBR as a big, final step for him. Here's my question for you-- what will you do if he just starts doing it without a conversation? Like just randomly starts sleeping in there again? That is what my H did (with a very different decision point-- more like "no need to freak out the kids if we AREN'T going to S"), but I also do think it is symbolic for them of the M in general. I had to ask my H why are you sleeping in here now (in MC I think) to get an answer.

Given how you guys have been interacting so far, I have a prediction that he'll start sleeping in there without saying anything about it and you are going to get a little freaked out when it happens! So maybe having a plan ahead of time would be good? Because you don't want to keep guessing forever-- at some point don't you want to KNOW where he stands, or at least where he thinks he stands?