Steve85, I wish I read this most recent post a year ago. I almost feel sick to my stomach. I think it's accurate.
I knew my wife and the eventual OM had a good friendship and I trusted them both. No lights ever went off in my head because of the age difference. I wouldn't have suspected that she would have this kind of interest in him.
The other thing is she had been active in trying to set him up with women. Just 6 days prior to their first physical contact (as reported by her) he had been lamenting to us both how he felt he had "blown it" with another woman by going too fast and how dating in the modern era was different from what he remembered in the mid 1960s. I think at the very least their communications had probably crossed a line that I, if I had known, would not have considered appropriate, and probably consisted of a lot of information about our own problems. I do know for a fact from a reliable source my W made the decision to divorce weeks before this.
