Hi, wooba! exchange to me seems pretty straightforward—he seemed to already feel you didn’t want to go to his parents, and you confirmed it. You showed appreciation for his food delivery. IMO, I think your gut is right: what would additional explanation do? Probably not much. If he was warming up, something like this shouldn’t deter him. If it does, he’s not ready. In the grand scheme of things, it is probably a blip, and as LBS we are more prone to over-analyze every interaction. But I get that you worry about H—what his capacity is for self-harm, the lows of his depression... which only makes it more difficult to step back from that caretaking impulse. which, as you said on my thread, can be so ingrained. Especially when this is a pattern:
Originally Posted by wooba
But still, there were many moments of me thinking/asking "Why are you so sensitive to every little thing and why do you always interpret it as I don't love you enough?"
I had a similar experience in my M. I wish we (old H, not alien) could have a convo about this now with a C, because I am now understanding that part of this was on me (to try to understand this with H, to not always react defensively), but that it also seems likely this was tied to self-esteem issues I (probably H too) didn’t realize H had, probably also tied to what seems increasingly like depression.
Anyway, what I’m thinking about is how that dynamic can also train us to analyze every interaction, plus we think about DB principles, plus you’ve got your H’s mental health in mind, plus you’re supposed to be keeping yourself in mind. It can feel like a lot. Like may and Pommy suggested, this is a small step in showing him what D means. You won’t be visiting him with his parents. You weren’t cruel about it, just matter-of-fact.
