I woke up feeling better. Every morning before I get up and at bed before sleeping I count my blessings and I reflect on how the day went. I hate living one day at a time, I am a man of future, of goals, I need a vision but these circumstances have proven stronger, I feel like my job is going to be a problem to get 50% custody but at the same time is the second best thing in my life now after my children. I hope everything works with both shared custody and my new job.
I have re-read my thread. I always get the feeling I am making those helping me, especially Sandi, frustrated with my inability to apply those lessons. I keep letting my W disrespect me, push me further from my S6 and S1, and get me involved in her emotional roller coaster as and when she wishes.
On the positive note I know where I failed and I will change it. I was surely as mistaken in thinking there is love in her for me as I think she is in believing we can never be happy together. Virtue is in the middle point so with a little hope I will make a life where I am happy with my children and I will leave the door open for her to fight for me.
This morning, while having breakfast, I have updated my short & mid term goals and I have divided them on the PIES.
Physical
- Improve my muscle mass and keep a healthy diet - Run consistently 10k or up 3-4 times a week - Lose any bad habits as biting my nails - Use cologne, look and feel great even with jeans and t-shirt
Intellectual
- Promote to L6 at work - Get my certifications for the new job - Learn piano (I am on it) - Get back into simracing my fav hobby - not too much as it is not very social
Emotional
- Be the best father I can be - No contact with W, I remain cordial for essentials - Lovingly detach - much to learn here - Learn and improve at validation - Be humble and happy with the things I have - let go of W
Spiritual
- Have a better relationship with God and the people in my life - More time with friends, the good ones
Finantial
- Sell our property in Germany - Save to buy the car I always wanted - use it for road trips with my children
My W wants to talk on Thursday but I know what to say. There is nothing new she or I can bring right now ( I know her feelings and she knows mine) and I will not sit there to listen to how much of a dreadful man I am that she could only be with me because we share two children. Eventually someone will choose me and never let go of me and that person will choose me above all other men. Then I will use all the things I am learning in my books and here to build a rock solid relationship. My attitude was wrong, my timing was wrong and my focus was wrong. It's 19th May 2020 and from today on I will make the people who are helping me in this forum proud of me. You are putting time and effort in helping me, I am not giving back the effort you deserve. It will not be easy, but it will make me a better man for the future.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Me 29 W:29 M: 5yrs T:10yrs S:6 yrs S:1 yr BD: "I want a D" 08/09/19 Sep: 10/27/19
