No changes on WAW - Pack_19 Part II

[Pack_19]

I wrote a big post, responding to every play-by-play in your previous update, then felt I was being too hard on you, and deleted it.

Please shoot Sandi, I am here to learn and you have been my guiding light since the beginning. I am ready to listen to my mistakes and be the man I want to be and work hard to be that man.

What was said this time that hasn't been said previously?

Nothing, she told me I need professional help and she told me I must realize the separation was necessary. I validated those or at least I think I did. That was all novelty. It really hurt to hear her say if we have a chance if for the sake of the kids, is like "you cannot make me happy but for the sake of our 2 children I could settle for you" - I'm pathetic

You say you walked away feeling proud of all you are learning here. I am glad you feel you are learning, but I'll confess I'm a little frustrated b/c I don't see how it was applied. Last time, I thought you swore off these type of interactions with her. Look Pack, I suggest the feelings you experienced while walking away, were more an emotional release than pride. You and I are talkers. That's how we work things out, and it's difficult to see any other way to find a solution. So, I get it. I always feel better, too, but it doesn't mean the talk was effective. The last statement in your quote above is not what I was seeing in the conversation with her, but I know I was not there to witness it first hand. I saw no difference in her, than previously......but maybe you could. Can you say how long you have you been distant with her?

I really felt I could understand her pain and frustration on previous years when she would ask me to change and analyze our situation and I felt l was validating her, maybe I was not, I don't know.

I always feel a big area where I failed was that intimacy and time when the focus is 100% on her (as we spoke about on my first posts) that I did not deliver at home and when these opportunities come up I try to show love on that way and enjoy them. At the same time I only saw reaction from her when I walked away quickly after picking up the children. I think, correct me if I am wrong, you are trying to tell me I have never properly detached to a point that I limit my interactions to business alike with her, work on my changes for me and start showing her how much I value myself so that MAYBE one day she can see what she will be missing. You are right, I have always said I am not there and I feel like I am failing to fight for the most important thing in my life or at least I still have a long way to go. I would say I have been distant since early April, not much but I make the best to stay busy with exercise, work, friends and the children.

I am trying to set my boundaries but all has to be her way and don't you dare walking on me or I will use one of those hurtful comments that I know get to you. I just want her to be happy but above all I want to find my happiness back, alone and with my children, but she is a crazy roller coaster. When this all begun she said "you are selfish because you have chosen your work above your children" and now that I managed to change teams, I torn down all my life in Germany and I am here asking for 50% custody "oh you have a job where you need to travel and I will never expect you to leave it, that would be out of common sense". She is just finding excuses to make it all perfect for her and then comes my favorite sentence "I am crying everyday, I do not like this, but it is the best we can have".

@ Sandi, I need to cut conversation right? I need to give her a taste of the life she has chosen, where I am not present and she is losing a valuable man. I do talk a lot and talking is not needed now, is action.

She has asked me to talk this Thursday when I come get the children but it is always the same way, we talk in the door to her building as if we are two poor teenagers without a quiet place to chat. I dont want to talk, these conversations dont help. They make me believe there is something where there is nothing and leads her to think I am still here for whenever she decides to stop playing selfish-happy princess. What should I do? should I PM her that I do not want to talk, only pick up my children or just come there get my children and leave? What if she genuinely has thoughts about opening up and talking to me?

Thanks for your post, I really appreciate your help. Please Sandi have no mercy on me, I can guarantee I am stubborn but also a good learner. ((hugs)) Packs