Searching for calm with shelter-in-place roommate

[may22]

Cardinal, I was wondering something. Whenever I read your posts (and this may be totally wrong, so please forgive me if I'm misinterpreting) I get the feeling that you are making yourself small, kind of, for him. You are always accommodating, kind, quiet. He plays his records loudly and has loud conversations late into the night and you don't complain. He goes as far as to invite someone over into your home during this pandemic and when you have the temerity to simply say it made you feel uncomfortable, he goes ballistic.

I don't like thinking of you like this, because I don't get the sense that is who you are. It seems like he's totally taking advantage of you. And I may be totally misreading what is happening. But it feels to me, a little, like you are bending, and shifting, and accommodating him and his crazy MLC and maybe you are packing yourself into a little corner of your house, physically or otherwise. The thing about your IC saying he isn't treating you like a human being really hit me hard.

If you think there is any truth to this-- and there may not be-- is there a way for you to make yourself big, again? Play your own music and don't apologize for it? I wouldn't get headphones, I'd get one of those little bluetooth speakers if you don't have one already and just play music wherever you are loud enough to drown out his chatting. Drink all the milk or eat all the ice cream or whatever and don't worry about replacing it for him, only if you want to. Leave your stuff around the house and don't put it away (again, unless you're doing it for you, not because you are worried what he might think). Buy something new for the house, even just like new throw pillows or something, and make it yours. Be YOU without any worries of what he'll think or how he'll feel or what he'll do. I'm not saying be a jerk, or be like him. Just don't be afraid to be yourself and to not think about him at all for awhile, if you can.

(((CARDINAL))) I haven't baked this week, but thinking of making pasta again soon. I still want to try that cinnamon roll recipe now that I have yeast again!