Limbo over, now separated but in lockdown (part 3)

[may22]

Hey Pommy,

Hope you are holding up OK. I know those kind of R talks are tough, even when you feel strong in the moment and walking away. Stay tough. You deserve far more than this half-a$$ed excuse of a psuedo-H who is--whether it is purposeful or not-- just dumping breadcrumbs for you (how great your legs are) while at the same time telling you he wants something else and is scared he won't find it. His head is very, very far up his a$$ right now and I kind of feel sorry for him, a little, but more want to punch him in the nose for treating you and his children like this.

Here's my advice-- DROP THE ROPE. Fake it till you make it. Stop engaging with him, stop letting him stop by and fill up the birdseed. Fill it up yourself every morning. (I have this satisfying vision of him opening the bird feeder and realizing it is already full and he simply isn't needed anymore.) Don't answer his calls or texts unless you need to. Stay friendly and bright and distracted by all the more fun interesting things you have in your life than coddling a sorry, confused loser. I bet you did give him some food for thought-- now let it bake. Do NOT peek in the oven. Go on with your confident, fun life without him. I would bet he'll flip out and come back again... don't let him until he's really ready.

The IC... I had a flashback to the time I went to see my H's IC with him, right after he told me about the PA and how long it had been going on. I liked her, generally, but one thing I was just remembering was that she probably said to him three separate times during the course of the visit "it sounds like you know what you want." And I know, know, know she was prompting him to say he wanted out. And my H wouldn't/couldn't do it, just kept saying he didn't know what he wanted. I asked him about it later, and he said really didn't know what he wanted at that point... but I do think that ICs both only hear one side of the story, and then are focused on helping their patient be "happy" without worrying about the collateral damage so much. I guess I just wouldn't count on the IC helping him to figure out his issue with feeling passionate about you anytime soon.

Hang in there.