Huge development. So, we have this weekly meeting to discuss anything household/kid related. I don't think the particulars are all that important, but he misinterpreted a situation to mean that I didn't trust him to be physically safe with our children. Of course, this is not true at all. However, the more I tried to explain what my actions really meant and prove that I do trust him by living with him and letting him be alone with the children regularly, the more he doubled down on his feelings. He was choked up, crying, and obviously holding a lot of anger and hurt. I've been reading a lot on communication and remembered that most of the time people just want their feelings to be accepted. So that's what I did. I didn't agree with his perception that I don't trust him. I simply said that it must have been awful for him to feel that. All the tension left his body instantly. He was still upset but more sad and not angry. It didn't take too long for him to fully relax, and we ended up having a good conversation, just shooting the [censored], nothing of great importance. When I had privacy, I fell apart and just really spiraled. He hates me. He has no idea I love him. Trying is useless. What if he's seriously mentally ill? It was so dumb and just my anxiety getting a hold of me. After awhile, I journaled it all out and discovered this is a big theme in our relationship. He frequently misinterprets me and just runs with it. He's got mass amounts of resentment, and whenever he shares one with me it's not at all true or I'm completely unaware it was an issue. But he's still sitting with the resentment. He has become more aware of this recently, but I'm sure there's more I don't know about. Yes, he's responsible for communicating it. But I typically just correct him. "No, that's not what I meant at all," but he's not able to accept it yet. His fear has be disarmed. That comes through me accepting his feelings. Once he feels safe, he is able to understand me. I just had to share this, because it was such a huge revelation to me. Fear is a bitch. It's contagious. It's a liar. I need to accept my fear and then act on my values. He needs to do the same. We need to do this for each other.
