Thanks for your honest and direct feedback. I agree with pretty much everything you said. Keep your Joe-kicking boots handy, I'm sure we'll need them again.
Since W and I talked on Saturday I have feel lost. Before, it felt like the W was just away. Now it really feels like she is gone, and never coming back. The house feels so small and I don't want to be here. It feels like a dead end. W has gone and I want to go too. I know, I know. Just journaling. I need to get it out on the page.
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I believe familiarity is the key word in this situation. Joe, take this as a clue to things you really need to work on. I don't mean work to get her back. I'm talking about making needed improvements on yourself, so that you will make a good partner in your relationships.
Understood.
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It's hard to see ourselves through someone else's eyes.
This. It's the things you don't know you do, that others have a problem with, that you don't know need addressing unless they're pointed out.
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If you are going to help yourself, you've got to leave your W alone and let her live her life, without your interference.
Yes.
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Without excusing myself, in some ways I feel like someone being charged with another guy's crimes. I don't even remember some of it.
Oh come on! That's carrying a bit far
Yes, I agree. I put my hands up to all of it. I know I would act differently in those circumstances now. My mindset has changed. But that irrelevant. I look back in horror at decisions I've made, things I've done or not done. I am guilty as charged. Really, W has been a thousand instances of grace in our relationship. She's had the patience of a saint. I'd like to kick myself down the road. So many regrets, but I can't go back. I can only work to be better, learn from the experience and not do the same things over again. I would really like the chance to make it all up to W, but realistically it seems this is going to be a shut door on bad times not a process leading to happier times. I am still aiming to be that man that only a fool would leave, but it's got to be for me.
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You have been different for how long? You've had a better heart for how long?
Starting from January 2018.
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What did it take for you to open your eyes? Losing her?
Yes. As MWD says "That's why, when she finally breaks the news of the impending divorce, her shell-shocked partner replies, "I had no idea you were unhappy."
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A wife, even a WW, knows when there has been an authentic change in the man. Even if she saw an authentic change, there is no guarantee it will heal all the years of hurt. Do you get it? No matter how much you change, it doesn't undo the past. She said there had been too much hurt. So, respect her enough to stop pressuring her.
