Thanks so much for the advice everyone - it's been a busy few days and I'm just now getting back to this. So it turns out that the night that I wrote this last update, she suddenly went back to sleeping in the basement and not wearing the ring again. Nothing changed in our interactions so I can only assume that either the PA is not in fact over and that she was just testing the waters, or that whatever had happened in that PA was a small bump in the road and that it's still going strong. So of course this meant that it let me off the hook from having a confrontation about what I know, and I haven't taken it up with her since that time. That may be a part of the problem.
As to the question of what I want as a resolution, I don't know at this point. Honestly, the kids are a huge factor here. I do think I could personally get past the fact that this has happened if she's willing to do all the things that other folks have listed above, and I know that it would take a lot of time, but I don't know that for sure. And the bigger issue to me is the lying and deception. How can I trust her again? I don't know.
Still, we have young kids, and I can't imagine only seeing them 50% of the time at most if we were to ultimately go the D route, which is something that honestly scares me quite a bit. That would be a killer to me, not to mention the potential harm it would do to them since they have no inkling of any issue going on (at least I think they don't, because to them everything is still the same other than their mom having to work very long hours right now).
At any rate, I still need to think this through and really consider what the options are for when I confront her about it. It's not a door I can close at this point so it's a matter of when and not if it comes to the forefront of the conversation. So that's my goal for the week, and we'll see what happens from there...
