Limbo over, now separated but in lockdown (part 3)

[Pommy99]

. Him talking about your failings - this is where self-awareness is crucial. Is there some truth in what he's saying? Is it something you can work on? Not saying that you should accept all the blame, but accept the parts which you also can see that there could be improvement, work on it, and move forward.

. Wooba, yes there is truth in what he is saying, but I can’t see how I can work on what he is telling me, because it’s all sex-related. For example he said in our early days I would be cheeky and spontaneous and that I’m not like that any more. But we’re separated and for the last year I’ve wanted a physical relationship with him and he has rarely reciprocated -either rejecting me, or asking me not to put pressure on him. So I just wasn’t able to be that flirty spontaneous person. I don’t know how to improve in this area until such a time that he wants to R, and he put the brakes on R because of the sex thing.

I doubt that it is a "test." I think your H is just confused. I think you should just keep DBing, continue with detachment, rein in your enthusiasm when he's leaning in, hold on to your boundaries. Give it more time. have patience.

I have had a few good days of feeling indifferent and a little more detached but feel lonely and empty this morning.

I really need s9me advice about how to handle a couple of things

1. H has started IC which he initiated after saying he wanted to R, then had a major blocker re the intimacy. He wants to understand why he has this blocker and how to overcome it. My Q is, should I be caring and ask him how his IC is going, or do I just not ask any questions about his feelings or how the session went? He had a session 2 days ago and so far I haven’t asked him about it or asked how he is doing. He hasn’t mentioned it or asked me how I am either.

2. When H picks up or drops off the kids he likes to stay and talk. Yesterday I was sitting out in the garden, he asked if he could get out some chair cushions and join me. We then talk about stuff like we’re work colleagues. I hate this as it feels like we have zero connection. There is no talk about “us”, things we want to do, what needs doing on the house, what to have for dinner etc. It’s all impersonal. He then gets up and tops up the water for birds, fills the screen wash on my car. I hate this “just friends” thing. I don’t want to be his friend, I want to be his wife. We’ve been “friends” for over a year now. I don’t know whether I should tell him I don’t want these kind of interactions and ask him to wait in the car when he comes round ? Sometimes I try and make sure I am out when he comes over but I can’t always be out, nor make an excuse that I’m just about to go out as we’re in lockdown.