She also made some comments about mommy getting frustrated with them when she is doing homework and my oldest wanted to be there so mommy could get frustrated with her and not someone else.
And who would that someone else be??? Her sister??? You, in absentia???
Worries me a little that she feels she has to manage her mother like that.
And yes, definitely sounds like she’s coming to grips with the idea that her parents might never get back together (they all harbor that wish, even my adult kids who knew he cheated on me - that’s why I didn’t even introduce any of my dates to them for years).
Maybe things aren’t going so well between your ex and her BF, and this was sparking some hope on their part that you might get back together.
Tread carefully. My sister’s second husband was married to a woman who wanted to “see what else was out there”. They split and he met and started dating my sister, whom he then married. He had a daughter (as did my sister) grade school age. My sister, who is darn near a saint, did everything she could to be a good stepmom. But unbeknownst to her, the ex wife was telling her daughter that if it wasn’t for my sister, she would still be with her dad (the one she wanted to cheat on!) . It’s now over twenty years later, my sister’s husband died last fall. The stepdaughter has been a complete biatch to my sister since the funeral. Frankly, the kid always was an entitled little twit, but the venom directed at my sister comes directly from the lie told by her mother.
I understand all the advice to tell the kids it was a mutual thing. Just try to make sure the kids aren’t being told something different by their mother - in which case you might need to clarify that it was your wife’s idea.
