He's 72 and had prostate surgery. That might not have affected his MR if his wife had lived, but I'm guessing it won't fly too well with his much younger lover. A fantasy is about all she'll have, until the new wears off and she begins seeing reality. She was unhappy in her Mr (don't believe "it just happened" between her and OM), and she looked forward to their gigs together, b/c I'm sure he fed her ego as much as possible. I'm even more sure, she gave him plenty, as well. He gave her something, apparently, that she wasn't getting from you. I mean, if you had a sexually starved MR, there must have been a reason.
Looking back at your first post on this thread, when you describe your last night in the home. She got all warm and cozy with you, right? She said things that made you scratch your head. According to your last post, she's still saying things that confuse you. Well, this is the arrogance of an wayward wife. None of it makes logical sense, so don't even bother trying. Something else, she has filled you with nothing but b.s. Everything out of her mouth......just consider it b.s. She's not having second thoughts, or changing her feelings for you, or OM. She's hit her stride in wayward country, and she'll play you every which way 24/7.........if you let her. How do you stop her from playing you like a fool? Get the heck out of her life, and stop letting her come into yours. Drop her like a rotten potato and go find yourself a life that doesn't include her. When the gigs fail to provide the excitement with OM they previously had, she'll look you up. Then you can determine if you want to take a chance with her. Btw, what happened in her other two MR's? Just wondering if there is a behavior pattern.
Your biggest problem in the meantime, is you'll want to see some positive sign in absolutely everything she says/does. I'm telling you, straight from the horse's mouth, she'll go running back to you when you dump her and stop giving her the time of day. And, if she's serious about it, she'll stop the game playing, lying, and cheating. If not, then mark it down she isn't serious about saving the M........ she just wants to keep you on the back burner in case her 72 yr old playmate loses his hotness.
Are you working full time? Have hobbies, enjoy particular activities? Do you have buddies who aren't attached to women who are associated with your WW? In other words, someone that wasn't couple friends with you & WW?
Hope you'll stick with us and post often.
Thank you for the insight Sandi2.
There is no doubt, upon reflection, that over the last year, particularly the last six months, we had lost much of our connectedness as she became more focused on the music while I remained home engrossed in my own interests. When she began singing out five years ago I was more of a presence at both rehearsals and at the gigs. We gradually fell into a pattern where we were becoming roommates with less overlap of common interests. She attempted to communicate concerns about our direction on numerous occasions, but for reasons I can't even explain to myself, I didn't sense the true urgency and I wasn't as responsive as I needed to be. I won't be making this mistake ever again. There was clearly a lot of two way validation btw W and OM as I witnessed it myself while the three of us were together. Seemed harmless at the time. I guess I should have been at least a little concerned. And yes, the frequency of sex had fallen below what would have been considered our historical normal. I'm not even sure I was thinking that much about it at the time. Basically I dropped the ball and needed to awaken quickly. Looking back much of this was predictable.
Her first marriage was for 14 years, produced her two children, and ended when her husband had an affair with one of her best friends. This is one of the reasons I'm so shocked over her seemingly out of character behavior. I've known her for 14 years and her personality seems different, the way she talks seems different, she doesn't seem nearly as empathetic as she usually was. Her 2nd husband was rough with her son and she dumped him like a bad habit quickly.
She has made it clear that she firmly believes our marriage is not salvageable and intends to file for divorce. In fact she plans to talk with an atty this week. So I guess I'm getting officially dumped. She says that she emotionally checked out around mid March, which interestingly was concurrent with an intensifying closeness with her septuagenarian guitar maestro friend. She claims that the former occurred at least three weeks before the latter crossed the line. I think there is a lot of grey area here that maybe she herself doesn't realize. She has quickly decided that she has found her gift from God who is the answer to her life's biggest question, one that she had thought had been answered throughout much of our years together. There is no doubt there always was a simpatico btw the two but she's acting like she's in a complete state of euphoria. Typically her nature is more level than this.
Because of COVID19 I'm not currently working full time. I do need to take the opportunity to get back in touch with my independent self, rediscover old interests, and try to get my mind off of this trauma that I never thought in a million years I'd have to deal with.
Thanks again Sandi2 for replying. I've only been here for a few weeks but I've noticed your input on other threads and am always interested in your thoughts.
