No changes on WAW - Pack_19 Part II

[sandi2]

I wrote a big post, responding to every play-by-play in your previous update, then felt I was being too hard on you, and deleted it.

I told her if ever she felt she could work on the M, I would make sure to take it slowly and towards a new, different relationship. I kissed my children goodbye and walked away feeling proud of all I am learning here.

I could feel she did not want to leave, she was emotional towards me and she came closer to me when talking (it is WILDLY incredible what self respect and distance make for the LBS).

Honestly, I didn't see much difference in this conversation than in other times you apologized, admitted your mistakes, and tried to validate. You responded, by using too many words (which I can certainly relate to that problem). Now, I'm just a former WW, but it's hard to understand why you continue to allow emotionally charged bashing. What was said this time that hasn't been said previously?

You say you walked away feeling proud of all you are learning here. I am glad you feel you are learning, but I'll confess I'm a little frustrated b/c I don't see how it was applied. Last time, I thought you swore off these type of interactions with her. Look Pack, I suggest the feelings you experienced while walking away, were more an emotional release than pride. You and I are talkers. That's how we work things out, and it's difficult to see any other way to find a solution. So, I get it. I always feel better, too, but it doesn't mean the talk was effective. The last statement in your quote above is not what I was seeing in the conversation with her, but I know I was not there to witness it first hand. I saw no difference in her, than previously......but maybe you could. Can you say how long you have you been distant with her?

However, I woke up today feeling an idiot and crying this morning. I saw some light, but it was an illusion.

(((Pack))) These feelings are growing pains. The difference in how you saw the situation and how I saw it, is that you were looking with your heart. Now, it sounds very sweet when I word it that way, but actually it's those emotions that can trick us into seeing what we want to see. It holds the LBH back in the DB process. I'm not saying you have to stop loving her, but you've got to stop repeating these old patterns. That's why we talk so much about DBing detaching. As long as your emotions are leading, the more vulnerable you will be, even to the point of not seeing clearly.