We had a long, fairly calm talk about it. Various gifts/things to work on -
W said I had a strong personality, whether I admit it or not. (I think I'm a walkover.) She said there was no point sharing with me how she felt about things as I would just discount her feelings, or justify my behaviour and then she would end up apologising to me. (I didn't say, but I can't remember a time I won any argument.)
She said, the familiarity crept back in during the recent times where we got together again, and things quickly reverted to how they'd always been. I (Joe) would make comments under my breath. (I will have to watch out for this. I didn't know it's even a thing I do.)
W says she is not seeking reconciliation. Too much hurt, no trust, too much work to set things right. W doesn't want to live 'in limbo' as a separated person, hence going to D. "I can't live with you and I don't want to."
W said I wasn't a bad person, just a bad husband. "I can't be married to you anymore."
It was a long talk, going on for more than an hour. I have to put my hands up to a lot of what she said about the early years of our marriage. The pain for me was that I know I have changed on the inside, changed my whole attitude, lost a lot of misdirected anger. I don't even know that guy from before, even though it was me. Without excusing myself, in some ways I feel like someone being charged with another guy's crimes. I don't even remember some of it. But I know I've been different, with a better heart, but it hasn't been seen. I can't tell her about it. If it's not even seen am I just fooling myself?
