After reading a couple of other threads about men turning down sex I'm starting to wonder if he actually did have a PA - I might never know. But he's turned this issue on to being about my failings - I'm not this or that (i.e. seductive sex bomb). It did used to make me feel inadequate but now I'm just sick of the constant put down.
Pommy, regarding the PA you may never know. That's just something you have to accept. Think about the possibility, how it would affect your decisions, and let it go for now. I don't even know where my H is living right now. I've thought about the possibility of him staying with an OW, but honestly I wouldn't know the truth unless I hire a private investigator. but I choose to not go there. Him talking about your failings - this is where self-awareness is crucial. Is there some truth in what he's saying? Is it something you can work on? Not saying that you should accept all the blame, but accept the parts which you also can see that there could be improvement, work on it, and move forward. not that we're keeping count, but keep in mind that your H has had WAY more failings than you.
Originally Posted by Pommy99
He likes to tell me and himself that it's guilt - that he feels guilty about breaking up the family. However, he just wont let go, even when I dont pursue...He was the one who said before he left that he needs to know what it feels like to lose me in order to know what he wants, that he needs to work for me. Maybe this is all part of the test then? Maybe he is pursuing me to really test how hard he has to work. Perhaps it's time to up my game!! The question is, how?!
I doubt that it is a "test." I think your H is just confused. I think you should just keep DBing, continue with detachment, rein in your enthusiasm when he's leaning in, hold on to your boundaries. Give it more time. have patience.
