Yes...….I have no desire to discipline him at this point. It's not even on my radar, I always defer to the Doc. I stopped engaging with him because it just led to frustration on my part and he would not want to do whatever I suggested anyway. It's the path of least resistance for me. I am also very aware of the power struggle with his mom and the competition that might be brewing between him and I regarding his mom. I certainly don't want to be that guy. I am actually very self-aware.
Thanks Nef…...I do need to remember to run my own race.
Honestly G I am a freaking catch and she knows it. I believe to her I am everything her XH wasn't. So in her mind she feels like she hit the jack pot. I do understand though and when I read that I was like WHOA! What happens when I am not there? Not sure, my XW thought I was great at one point to. I guess that is where you hope your core values are in alignment but people change so no guarantees. I think my chances are good, she was married to a dude for over 10 years who had no job, couldn't get it up and had nothing to do with their son. Based on that I like my odds.
They connect in intellectual ways. She is his person but unfortunately she doesn't spend a lot of time with him. She does see him every morning and puts him to bed every night. Since her XH has been out of the picture due to his surgery she has him every weekend as well. Last summer she took him to water parks by herself, they read together, lay in bed together, she helps him with his homework however when she is in her full tilt Type A personality mode she is all business. She is not a touchy feely, emotional person that is I guess what you would call your prototypical mom. I do think her son would benefit from more of that from her.
I agree her son has the most to lose. He definitely has his routine. He goes to bed every night at 7:30 and wakes up at 6. When he wakes up he comes downstairs and watches TV in his moms bed. He is set on her schedule and she doesn't really deviate from it. My girls go to bed, in a normal situation at 8:30 and wake up around 7. Now though they are up until like 11 waking up around 9. I am working from home and it's practically the summer so I could care less. That is just one example but the differences certainly will be challenging. I just can't imagine being on the same page with everything. There is no way my 11 yr old is going to bed at 7:30.
I would like to develop a bond but I am definitely not pushing it. He can come to me on his own terms when he is ready. He is the type of kid you have to play Jedi mind tricks with. If you want him to go outside and play or ride bikes you would have more success getting him out their if he knew it was something you didn't want to do.
It could be hormones for sure. I probed deeper last night and she said she sad that her mom is alone by herself. I guess since her BF has a job now and moved a little farther away they don't see each other as much. She said she feel sad for me as well when I am alone and not with the Doc. She also made some comments about mommy getting frustrated with them when she is doing homework and my oldest wanted to be there so mommy could get frustrated with her and not someone else. Then she asked who's idea it was to get Divorced. I toed the line and told her it was a joint decision. She is not old enough to handle the truth and I would only be honest out of spite and that is not right for my daughters. I just listened to her, told her that mommy and daddy love her very much and that we are perfectly happy. I then let her know that I get frustrated with her to just like mommy does and while it's not always right parents do get frustrated from time to time but that doesn't mean she is not loved. She also had a sleep over with a friend on Saturday night and didn't see her mom on Sunday so did not get her full week with her mom. The have Facetimed a couple times this week and we drove to her mom's house on Wednesday so she could get her Airpods so she was able to see her. It also could be becoming a reality to her that we are not getting back together.
You have asked and we had discussed it but really didn't feel the kids were struggling with it too much. During the school year there is always an activity going on to where it was never a full week without seeing the other parent. This time around my youngest has been fine so IDK.
It is a perfect scenario and she is so good to me.
