I don't think I understand her issues with you. That seems pretty minor, and I say that knowing that you are supposed to keep your spouse happy, and feeling valued. But when one person clearly has a position of knowledge on a subject you kinda let that spouse do their thing.
One thing I've been really working on with my IC is my tendency to take blame on my shoulders as an act of agency/control, under the logic that if.I own them, I can fix them, and therefore everything can go back to normal. So I have to temper myself a little bit when I list out the issues!
But long story short, NGS caught up to me and to us. It affected the way we communicated, the way that we showed love to each other, and certainly it led me to lie and mislead her on truly, truly stupid things in order to avoid a confrontation. And of course the usuals -- getting complacent, not understanding the cost of emotional labor, and so on.
I equivocate it much more to death by a million paper cuts than some huge, glaring issue, and I do have a significant amount of regret for not recognizing it earlier, and for not addressing it in a more fulsome manner with my IC, as it's been an issue I've struggled with all of my life. The double whammy of being adopted and growing up in an abusive/alcoholic/turbulent home is a spicy meatball rattling around in my subconscious.
Was I an awful husband? Absolutely not. I loved her, and worked hard to provide a good life for us. I'm not an addict, not a cheater, not abusive. But you can do a lot of things right and still not have it work. That's life.
I do feel lucky in that I know a lot of things are working for me: I'm young-ish, I'm ambitious and successful, and I'll find love again. I don't doubt that. And I feel confident that the hard work I'm doing to face my issues head-on will pay huge dividends down the round. But there's a reason why I married my WAW - she makes me laugh harder than anyone I've ever met, and as far as physical attraction, no one's been close, either. And I do think that the second time around -- if there is one -- will be so much smoother given the hindsight and perspective the S has given us. Until that day comes, or the day comes when I wake up and don't feel the way I do, it's me time.
