This is Oceangrl! I'm here!

[Pommy99]

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I am almost at the point where I want to say, "You can choose to be my husband, or you can choose to divorce me. I don't want to be nothing more than a roommate

Hey OG, this prob needs a vet’s response. To me it seems you are handing control to your H. But perhaps you need to take control and frame this with a consequence that you are willing to follow through on. What is the consequence? ? That he has to leave , or that you leave, or that you will take steps to end the marriage? I totally get your frustration , and I was in that place with my H, and a couple of times when I found out he lied to me I told him to FO out of my life. But I wasn’t clear enough in my boundary or the consequence. He stayed a bit longer , until ultimately he decided to leave . I don’t know how I should’ve handled my sitch but I see you being in the same mindset I was and all I know is that asking him to make a choice puts it all back on his terms. I honestly don’t see your H ready to be your H right now unless you command some respect by telling him the consequences of his choices and being prepared to follow through. In hindsight, I wish I hadn’t been such a walkover and had enforced my boundaries a lot sooner.