This is Oceangrl! I'm here!

[Oceangl]

She thinks he is trying to force me to file by making it miserable for me so he doesn't have to be the "bad guy." He has a serious fear of being the bad guy.

My H has this deep guilt as well, about hurting me and the children and I think that is one reason he still remains in a state of confusion. He was rubbish at covering his tracks with his "friendship" with OW, in spite of all the gaslighting, telling me that my concerns were all in my head. His IC (that he saw twice) told him he probably deliberately left his ipad lying around in the hope that I would uncover his lies. I remember one time I found something and H said "I guess you can kick me out now". I do think in some ways he actually wanted me to make the decision for him. I didnt. And he's still dithering - even though he's left, said he wanted to come back, then changed his mind, he's still telling the kids he REALLY wants to make things work between us. Your H sounds as dithery as mine OG!!! {{{Hugs for the weekend!}}}

Thank you for the hugs!

I would add to that that I think we are reminders of their bad choices and the worst of what they are capable of. If they aren't able to work through it in a healthy way, we get the blame. My husband's logic seems to be that once I am gone there is no more reminder of the worst choices of his life.

I do think he wants me to make the decision for him. And now I feel backed into a corner. We have therapy tomorrow afternoon virtually, I think if am going to be brave enough to call him out on his sabotaging during the session. I don't expect it to go well.

I am almost at the point where I want to say, "You can choose to be my husband, or you can choose to divorce me. I don't want to be nothing more than a roommate."