So, yes - to be completely truthful I am being nice to my spouse. I still feel that the best way to show him the changes I have made is to have him here to see it. I think this is a huge advantage over him out of the house. I walk a fine line between being civil and being nice. I fall more on the nice side - but I am learning to detach - and recently being more civil only. Is this DBing - being civil only? As well, I do not tee up R talks. But there are so many grey areas!
He will not notice any changes while he is having an affair.
Originally Posted by MistySea
Small grey things... He is actively in the room with me and the kids, during dinner, do we include in conversations or exclude - especially as it seems like he wants to be a part of it. He has a small hurt on his face/eye - that is pretty obvious - do I notice and show concern- or do I stay silent unless he brings it up? I need help carrying or doing something in the yard/house that requires his expertise (IT computer stuff, lifting a patio table, etc), do I ask for his help?...........So many small things, I just don't know how to handle.
What ever you feel comfortable with because in the grand scheme it doesn't matter.
Originally Posted by MistySea
Big grey thing... We are not supposed to talk R but... how do I communicate to him that, he is free to go and walk his journey as he needs to - that I (no longer) expect him to stay (as I did before). This is something I have not communicated before, and in our interactions it does not seem like this will organically come up as we don't converse much. How would this best be done? Even the words to use & how to bring this up would be immensely helpful. Granted it took me awhile, but the cage door is open.
If he is having an affair you ask him to leave. If he is not you say nothing. When you open the cage door you don't tell the animal to leave you are just not restricting him any more.
