Yes, there is a whole theory that they rush things along with OW to legitimize their decisions to others. They want to say: “this IS serious and lasting! This was not just a fling.” Of course, no healthy person jumps from one relationship to another at break neck pace. And healthy people don’t have affairs. Well adjusted women don’t get with married men.

I do think, with time and distance you will see more and more that you dodged a bullet and early in your life. This only gives you time to rebuild beauty.

When I look back on it my ex had issues with turning 30! And 40! And he talked about turning 50 like it was the end of life as we know it. At 45 he was saying things like he needed to find himself, find women who looked him meaningfully, etc. He also thought every 20 year old in a bikini was hot for him. Aging is a huge issue for these folks.

My point is, if your ex is this poorly adjusted in his 30’s, without major course correction, which requires solitude and inner work, he will have a massive MLC in 15 or so years. A mistress ain’t gonna fix it.

What is left unfinished always resurfaces. Take lots of time to heal so that you attract healthy situations going forward.

Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13
BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself
BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room"
8/15: H back to MBR
10/15: H back in dorm room
1/18: H files, now divorced