I have no doubt in my mind that you will find your way through this and come out the other side shining like the star you are.
on another note...congrats to you on the 10yr no smoking...maybe someday I'll get there...never intended to smoke after dd was born (had quit during both preg) but alas ow, bomb, seperation etc made that somewhat impossible. H recently quit (he's into month 4 now) but has taken up cigars...me with a cigar??? don't think that'll work so it's going to have to be when I'm ready.
I, like, lostlove have all the confidence that you will get through this and you will shake it off in no time. You have a lot on your plate.
Quote: that the lack of h's communication with me while I was at school meant "something" -- etc.
You have told me many, many times that this is about him, not me. Well, this was about you, NOT him. You could have been stressed, tired, reading into stuff, expecting, assuming, etc..... let it go.
I think I mentioned to you once that sometimes when I feel stressed and anxious, I find that it's rarely ever about my sitch with H but about something else....work, mom, siblings, a sitch on a bb, looking too far into the future, etc....any number of things. I try to isolate the feeling and then dismiss it.
Congratulations on your 10-year anniversary of not smoking!!!!
Hope your day improves and that you do find some time for some Sage-soothing.
Don't worry too much about being in a funk. It happens. I suspect your fear is based upon recent posts and concern that things are going "too well". You know... that feeling you get when things are going well, you realize you're comfortable, then suddenly think you have to keep your guard up a little.
I'm not sure that avoiding answering or giving a false answer helped. Instead of "I'm afraid and sad. I'd like some reassurance from you.", why not "I'm having a bad day."? It lets him know you're having a bad day, but you still haven't gone into detail as to why that's the case. By avoiding answering, you're leaving it to him to decide what's wrong since he can't read your mind. But, there's good news.... he's male so he probably just thought "Hmmm. Sage is in a strange mood today.", and didn't think too much about it. (It's a guy thing.)
BTW, I saw the post the other day about training wheels - it reminded me of a post I made to you a couple of months ago. I think your fear is similar to the bicycle analogy - you get that rush of panic/fear when you suddenly realize the training wheels are off, and nobody's holding onto the bike.
Just dropping you a note to say that I hope your day has improved and that you're feeling better.
You're working so hard in every aspect of your life AND helping out on the bb....Please take care and I hope you get some time for yourself SOON!
Please don't get on yourself about why you didn't come home full of stories, etc.....we should all be able to go home in whatever mood we happen to be in and not be fearful of how our S will react (not your H reacted negatively....on the contrary....he seemed concerned), but you know what I'm saying.....
Quote: me with a cigar??? don't think that'll work so it's going to have to be when I'm ready.
It's amazing to me that it's been 10 years...it feels like yesterday! I remember the moment I decided to quit...I was driving down the street, smoking, hacking and the voice in my head said (as it often did) "I gotta quit these things" and there was NO RESPONSE (usually the OTHER voice in my head said "no way! I'd miss it!" or some other thing...) I knew it was time.
Anyway -- I'll be pulling for you when it happens.
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Minnie -- Thanks for the double visit! (No update from you yet today?)
Quote: I think I mentioned to you once that sometimes when I feel stressed and anxious, I find that it's rarely ever about my sitch with H but about something else....work, mom, siblings, a sitch on a bb, looking too far into the future, etc....any number of things. I try to isolate the feeling and then dismiss it.
Very wise! I think I've been down about a few things...overtired, stressed...also, there's a thread in the infidelity forum that's been freaking me out a bit... I gotta figure out when to take a break from this stuff, too!
I AM feeling better this afternoon but I admit that I'm still feeling raw. h has been WONDERFUL...sent me a beautiful email, left a couple of messages and sang me a bit of Air Supply when I called him back.
He reiterated that he's here to help...I told him that I was just having a rough couple of days...I dunno...how/if to tell him more?
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Don't worry too much about being in a funk. It happens. I suspect your fear is based upon recent posts and concern that things are going "too well". You know... that feeling you get when things are going well, you realize you're comfortable, then suddenly think you have to keep your guard up a little.
yes, I know that feeling quite well. Good reminder to me that sometimes my fears get stirred up by the GOOD stuff!
Quote: I'm not sure that avoiding answering or giving a false answer helped. Instead of "I'm afraid and sad. I'd like some reassurance from you.", why not "I'm having a bad day."? It lets him know you're having a bad day, but you still haven't gone into detail as to why that's the case. By avoiding answering, you're leaving it to him to decide what's wrong since he can't read your mind. But, there's good news.... he's male so he probably just thought "Hmmm. Sage is in a strange mood today.", and didn't think too much about it. (It's a guy thing.)
You're right on...h has told me that it concerns/upsets him when he knows that I'm upset but he doesn't know if it's something that he's done (or that I've ASSumed he's done) -- my answer to him should include that too, I think (that it's not him).
Quote: BTW, I saw the post the other day about training wheels - it reminded me of a post I made to you a couple of months ago. I think your fear is similar to the bicycle analogy - you get that rush of panic/fear when you suddenly realize the training wheels are off, and nobody's holding onto the bike.
Yes indeedy. I made sort of a similar comment to someone in the infidelity forum...she was the one who had the A and her h has been reactive of late...I suggested that maybe that occurs when he looks down and realizes that he's inched out on the tightrope and that there's no net below.
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
I think your fear is similar to the bicycle analogy - you get that rush of panic/fear when you suddenly realize the training wheels are off, and nobody's holding onto the bike.
I gotta figure out when to take a break from this stuff, too!