This is Oceangrl! I'm here!

[Oceangl]

OG,

What happened to your friend he has the PA with? Is she definitely out of the picture?

She lives in another state. He has been here for all of quarantine period. He does go there for work travel. They work in the same company still, but no longer in the same department. She reconciled with her husband and her husband knows all about the affair. From what they have said (FWIW) they have boundaries with each other. I have not had contact with her, nor do I wish to, for a long time.

He leaves his phone and computer out. When he was in the midst of his EA/PA with her, he was secretive and would stand in our yard at night on "work calls" for hours. They would travel together and I was way too trusting to see what was going on.

He doesn't seem to be doing any of that now, and I don't know when he would have an opportunity to meet up with anyone. As far as strictly an EA, he is on work calls during the day, and most of the time I can hear them. At night we have dinner as a family and he watches tv with me. He is not on his phone.

This doesn't mean he isn't involved with anyone, but I suspect he is more committed to the idea of his future as a single guy and what he can have. I'm not willing to snoop through all his stuff, but I don't know what exactly is going on. He cut me off for sex in October and won't let me go near him. That alone is weird. He has a definite emotional wall and won't initiate anything, w the exception of a friendly hug. We are doing MC right now at the request of our church leader. Our counselor is really good, and I really like him. We will make amazing headway in a session (right now virtually) and right after H will reiterate his divorce thoughts or undo the progress somehow. He has a friend who recently became divorced (his friend did not want the divorce, his wife did) and met someone really fast at church. I feel like shortly after that my husband cut me off. So did he see hope in that? Possibilities? Granted his friend is about 15 years younger.

KitCat -- thanks for your thoughts. I am trying to become emotionally attractive for me.

May -- Yes, that was me! I do enjoy the water so much. I am trying to find some things for me. I really try not to have R talks, they just seem to come with therapy once a week. I do have to learn how to do things I want to do, and focus on my happiness. I feel like I do well, and then something good happens, some little crumb, and it becomes undone. But geez, 24 years. I feel such deep sadness like I did something wrong, I failed. Thats a hard feeling to get past.