This is Oceangrl! I'm here!

[Oceangl]

First, as a guy, emotional connection is rarely a requirement for a man to have sex. In fact, we men use sex to create that emotional connection. So I think you are onto something being fishy. Considering his history, outlined in your signature, I think there is an A going on. Whether it is just an EA right now, or has been a PA in the past, obviously no one knows. But as a guy that has a fairly high libido, yeah I cannot imagine him being completely without a sexual outlet at all, and agreeing for it to be that way for next 7 years. I can also tell you, as a guy that has had EAs himself, that child support absolutely is a consideration in how those EAs are handled. Or even how a PA would be handled based on my knowledge of other people's PAs. So I think you are spot on and right to feel something is fishy. And that this lack of emotional connection is an excuse he is using.

So my question is....what does Oceangl want? Yes I know, you want your marriage to be whole and better and for your husband to be committed to it and working on it with you. Okay, so you can't have that because a basic rule in life is we only get control of one human-being, and we don't even get the choice of which human-being that is! Because it is ourselves. So if you can't have the ideal, what would you next like? A sexless, affectionless, loveless marriage for the next 7 years until the youngest is 18 and your WAH/WH can leave scot-free with no financial constraints? Or do you want to be valued, loved, cherished, honored and appreciated? To be fulfilled intellectually, sexually, emotionally, and spiritually? Do you want to continue with the way things have been for 6+ years (based on his 2 year PA)? Or do you want to find your own value, move forward your life, and not let your life be dictated to you?

I just quoted someone in Kitcat's thread that pointed out to her that no matter what her shortcomings as a W were, she did not deserve to be treated the way her WAH was treating her. I repeat that here and now to you Ocean. YOU DESERVE BETTER THAN THIS!!!

After the ideal, I want to be happy. I don't want to live in a state of emotional neglect. I don't want a roommate instead of a husband, I don't want to live in a sexless marriage. I definitely want to be valued, loved, cherished, honored, and appreciated. I know something needs to change, and I am finally understanding that I deserve better than this.

I don't know what that means now. I don't know what to do next. I grew up with this value of family, and I my heart aches at the thought of my marriage ending and what that means for my family. But I can't live like this.