2. One thing that really confuses me: If my spouse says he is done because he wanted more physical affection (not sex, just physical affection), and says that is a main love language, how does DB fit in with that? Are you saying it's too late for that? I am trying to understand the difference between meeting a need and pursuing. Would that not be a 180 or doing something different?
This can be so confusing for me!
My take is as follows as someone who's love language is physical and whom was pulling away from the M as my needs weren't met or worse were rejected. Note, no other woman was pulling me and Ive never cheated on anyone so my perspective could be different:
If theres no OW, 180 on the physical affection would be a big factor in rebuilding a connection. This would have to build up slowly and I'd need to know that its a permanent change, not a temporary one. Physical affection meaning not just sex, rather it would include things like a kiss goodbye, goodnight, random hugs, cuddling during a movie, or playful things like helping each other stretch, wrestling, etc. What would be equally important is not rejecting non sexual physical affection. For example if the PA love language person holds your hand, dont quickly move it away.
Putting myself in the mindset of someone that has another woman filling that need, I'd probably be completely repulsed and angered if W suddenly started trying to meet this need as soon as I found another source. Over time, the H in this case may no longer be angered or repulsed, he may get the idea that getting the attention from two women is better than one. This wouldn't mean he's coming back, and while its unbelievably selfish and uncaring, he may think I deserve this or let me enjoy it while I can, i never had this kind of experience.
I think LHs reply fits in the later scenario.
So now I wonder how this looks in other love languages.
H37, W37 D4, S2 ILYBNILWY 9/19 BD 9/19 EA discovered 10/19 Currently in limbo, no D or S process initiated
